Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I touched a dick in church today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
