the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
