I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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