Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
