DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
only you would photoshop your dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
