Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
