I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
