and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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