I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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