She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize