she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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