Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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