The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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