it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
