just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
