It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my poor anus
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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