Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
