I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
