ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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