We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
