I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
