I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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