I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
