Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
