too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
