I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk is not a location!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
