I heard we made out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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