oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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