Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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