Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
