I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize