my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
