don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize