I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i believe in u and ur pee
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
