Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
