Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
