my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
