Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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