The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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