he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
