the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
