dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
