My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
