i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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