we have pet lesbian snakes
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
