I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
