mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think people are normalizing furries
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
