well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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