She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
