11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
