I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
