So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
