some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize