i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
