Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
