I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
