you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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