you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
