i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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