I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
