Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
