i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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