So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
