I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
