THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
