can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
