these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
