They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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