I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just google imaged poop.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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