sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
